~ Laugh-A-Little ~
Hoping
to brighten your day with a little laughter!!!
The English language has some wonderfully
anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.
We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a
Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.
However, less widely known is a Pride of
lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an
Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of
owls.
Now consider a group of Baboons. They are
the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and
least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a
group of baboons?
Believe it or not ....... a Congress!
I guess that pretty much explains the things
that come out of
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The English language has some wonderfully
anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.
We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a
Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.
However, less widely known is a Pride of
lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an
Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of
owls.
Now consider a group of Baboons. They are
the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and
least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a
group of baboons?
Believe it or not ....... a Congress!
I guess that pretty much explains the things
that come out of
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the
Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt,
leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are
you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen,
taxi-driver, of
The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his
robe and staff.
Next it's the minister's turn. He stands
erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the
last 43 years."
Saint
Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe
and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."
"Just a minute," says the minister.
"That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff.
How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says
Saint Peter.
"While you preached, people slept; while
he drove, people prayed."
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An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for
advice.
The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a
day for 30 days.
This, he promised, would help her lose as
much as twenty pounds.
The blonde follows the doctor’s advice, and,
after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she’d indeed lost twenty
pounds.
She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the
wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the
conversation, however, she asked one last question:
“How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles
away?”
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Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a
heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers to approach the
bench. “Your Honor,” said Bob, “I objected
because my distinguished colleague Bill was badgering the witness. It is
obvious he has never heard of the Bill of Rights.” “Rubbish!” snapped Bill. “I happen to know
them by heart.” Bob rolled his eyes in
disbelief. “Do you now? Well, Bill, I have
a hundred dollars that says you can’t even tell me the first few words.” Bill smirked and accepted the challenge and
began, “I pledge allegiance to the flag...”
“Damn,” Bob interrupted, fishing the money from his pocket, “I didn’t
think you’d know it.”
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Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on
stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are
you in here for?” The second kid says,
“I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.” The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to
worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when
you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.” The second kid then asks, “What are you here
for?” The first kid says, “A
circumcision.” “Whoa!” the second kid
replies. “Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn’t walk for
a year.”
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One fine day, Jim and Bob are out
golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and
proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.
The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently
and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the
shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old
golf ball.
Jim calls out to his golfing partner in an
agitated voice, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here."
Bob comes running over to the edge of the
ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?"
Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron!
You can't get out of here with an 8-iron."
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A new Mercedes owner was out on an
interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing
through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly
saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. “There ain’t
no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up
further. The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still
behind him. “What in the world am I
doing?” he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license
without a word, and examined it and the car. “I’ve had a tough shift and this
is my last pull-over. I don’t feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an
excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go!” “Last week my wife ran off with a cop,” the
man said, “and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”
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A distraught senior citizen phoned her
doctor’s office. ‘Is it true,’ she wanted to know, ‘that the medication you
prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?’ ‘Yes, I’m afraid so,’ the doctor told
her. There was a moment of silence
before the senior lady replied, ‘I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my
condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.’
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A mother and baby camel are talking one day when
the baby camel asks, “Mom, why have I got these huge three toed feet?”
The mother replies, “Well son, when we trek
across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand.”
“Okay,” says the son.
A few minutes later the son asks, “Mom, why
have I got these great long eyelashes?”
“They are there to keep the sand out of your
eyes on the trips through the desert.”
“Thanks Mom,” replies the son.
After a short while, the son returns and
asks, “Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??”
His mother replies impatiently, “They are
there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert.”
“That’s great Mom. So we have huge feet to
stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes, and these humps
to store water, but Mom...”
“Yes, son?”
“Do we really need all of these in the zoo?”
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A good ole
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Exercising tip for people over 40 years old
Begin with a 5-lb potato bag in each hand,
extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as
you can.
Each day you'll find that you can hold this
position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb
potato bags.
Then try 50-lb potato bags and then
eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand.
(I'm at this level.)
After you feel confident at that level, put a
potato in each bag.